13/52 // uncertain

grown-up park days - coffee and blackberries.

the nature of spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty, consequently we do not make our nests anywhere.

to be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may bring forth.

we are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God.

Jesus said, "Except ye...become as little children." spiritual life is the life of a child. 

we are not uncertain of God, we are uncertain of what He is going to do next.

leave the whole thing to Him; it is gloriously uncertain how He will come in, 

BUT HE WILL COME. 

-Oswald Chambers 

I have zero clues what is going on with my life. this month is not bringing what I thought it would.

a couple months ago, I thought I would be graduating with a college degree, booking the first flight home to Alaska, seeing certain people, looking for specific opportunities in my hometown.

I am not graduating. I am not going straight home. certain people aren't even in the picture anymore. I may not even be home for good this summer.

my friends are stepping into another year of college, graduating from college, getting married, changing jobs, looking for jobs...the list goes on.

wouldn't it be cool if we could be like, 6 years old again? when the only reason we were exhausted was we played in the park aaaall day? yeah, sometimes I wish I could go back.

but what I want more than anything, is that childlike faith. that childlike knowledge of His love. oh, I was POSITIVE that He loved me and that everything He promised was true.

and you know what? He still does love me. and His promises are still true.

there's a song out right now that says "I wanna go back to Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so." that's where it all begins and ends, His love. 

herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

and we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.

there is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. he that feareth is not made perfect in love.

we love him, because he first loved us

(1 John 4:10, 16, 18-19)

so whatever uncertainty you are stepping into, step into it with childlike faith.

God is certain.

His love is certain.

12 of 52 // succulents and facebook

so, I spontaneously took a month off of facebook. I kept messenger for communication purposes, but my mom graciously changed my password for me and my friend managed my photography account for me. that is why I did not post or respond to comments as much during march. you probs didn't notice, but that's why. 

now. what does that have to do with these pictures of plants? 

nothing, actually. these photos are from a trip to terrain (cafe/greenhouse) with my friend Monica over a month ago that were too pretty for me not to share. if you have never been there, you should go, and take me with you.

anyways, back to facebook. when I got off I simply wanted to reduce the minutes of scrolling in between homework assignments in an attempt to declutter my life a bit for a season in order to reach a goal. 

at first, I realized how frustrated I would get when I opened a tab mid-paper to check notifications but couldn't log in. after a while, I just stopped opening the tab and continued writing my paper. productivity increase: check. 

it disconnected me a bit from the current social happenings, such as an engagement I was unaware of until someone congratulated my co-worker in front of me (oops). but I didn't super miss it otherwise.

decluttering: check. 

it's nice to know that I can live without it and gain some perspective. so now I'm back on, but I think twice more about opening that tab while doing homework. I could go on about the effects of social media, idolatry, comparison, escape - the possibilities are endless, but you've probably heard it before and only you know where you are on the spectrum. I appreciate facebook as a tool to encourage, laugh, provoke thought, stay connected, and share. like these photos. I hope this made you think - now I hope these photos brighten your day! scroll away. (:

11 of 52 // dancing

I was laying in the grass after a long week of wrestling with myself and with God. 

the sun was (finally) shining and the song We Dance by Steffany Gretzinger started playing from my shuffle. 

I remembered listening to this song in my kitchen back home about a year and a half ago, when I was experiencing this new depth of sweet intimacy in my relationship with Him. everything about this song made me think of butterflies and excitement and adoration. the words "You steady me, slow and sweet, we sway - You take the lead, and I will follow...You spin me round and around and remind me of that song, the one You wrote for me, and we dance," settled into my heart with warmth and peace. 

now, after a time of venturing closer and facing some hard things about life following Christ's footsteps, the words "when my faith gets tired and my hope seems lost...we dance, just You and me, and I will lock eyes with the One who's ransomed me; it's nice to know I'm not alone, I've found my home here in Your arms," were balm to my throbbing heart.

there was this picture in my head of a young couple, falling in love, dancing and twirling and laughing with sweet innocence and new-found affection and devotion. then, it changed to an older couple, a few years down the road - staying in love, dancing and breathing and leaning into each other with the wisdom and security of passion and faithfulness that has weathered storms from without and within.

and that's how I feel about me and God right now. take the analogy as you will, it's not perfect of course. I used to be scared of things with Him becoming "routine" but I have a feeling it never really will, because nothing stays the same...except His love, so this dance won't be ending anytime soon. or ever.