ten of fifty-two // real talk

sunrise over Seward Boat Harbor

I read about spending time with God and what it's like to practice His presence, to be filled with His Spirit and power and likeness and then to live that out in every area of life. then I sit down to have "quiet time" and... I am not swept up by angelic hosts, carrying me straight to the throne with feeling and knowledge. 

I stare at words on a page and utter a desperate cry to Him to teach me. I move restlessly from reading someone else's thoughts, to His Word, to worship, to pouring out my heart in prayer. It doesn't hit me the same every day. sometimes I leave listless, wishing I had hours more to try and get to His heart and what He could have taught me. other times I take the small Word He gave me and cling to it for the rest of the day. it never feels like enough time to let it sink into my being instead of just be absorbed by my head.

but oh God is faithful. faithful meaning that I know He meets me when I stop to be with Him, even if it is just in the knowing that He is there. I hope it is a sweet offering to Him, I hope He feels loved as opposed to grieved like the many times I pass on without Him. faithful because when I come to Him ashamedly hiding (haha. hiding from God.) my pain from Him trying to pray about more "spiritual" things, He patiently waits for me to bring the sadness to Him, too. faithful that when my fearful heart asks of Him something He has already promised – never leave me, please do not forsake me – He reminds me that He has not, He will not, He has told me before and will tell me again.  

sunset over Seward Boat Harbor