momma told me I was quiet today.
it's been almost a full week of adventuring with my family and it feels like we packed a month's worth of big events in. being with them after the semester is glorious. having the chance to focus on photography and other things instead of homework feels like peppermint iced tea after a long, hot hike.
but momma was right. after a semester of basically living by myself, I realized my default for the past couple semesters is this quiet little world inside my head. I came out of it for classes, or work, or coffee dates and phone calls. but other than that, it was just me.
after the insanity of giving my family a 24 hour tour of my campus and the city, moving out, photographing a wedding two states down, and then driving back up three states for family visit #1, I crashed and slept (finally). without realizing it, I retreated back into my quiet world. I'm not used to having someone there to process with 24/7, or three other people who need the shower.
praise Jesus for my patient family and for momma for pointing it out. I don't think quiet is bad; but this kind of quiet was the subdued survival mode of the semester, rather than peaceful and at rest. I'm tired of just staying alive instead of looking forward to getting up in the morning.
the thing that baffles me is reverting to that secluded state was completely involuntary and so subtle, I hadn't noticed myself. I'm coming out of it slowly, trying to take deeper breaths. communicate. take my foot off the pedal and the pressure off myself.
there are situations and memories that are re-surfacing - for all my attempts to process them during the semester, I could really only smooth the troubled waters and move on to the next assignment.
so here is to filling my lungs. here's to looking forward with hope. to letting God heal the past, to learning how to love, to letting people in. to getting rest and getting outside. to living under the shadow of grace and in the strength of His love. to letting myself cry, to acknowledging disappointment, to reminding myself of His faithfulness. to letting others help me, stop being the lone ranger, and getting emotionally healthy so I can be there for the ones I love. to digging deep into His Word and surrendering and sharing my heart with Him. to making memories and taking photographs and writing songs.
the photos are from middle creek wildlife center somewhere in PA.
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