eight of fifty-two // the voice

saturday mornin I set an alarm for 3:57am and almost cried. when I finally got up around 4 something I was still pretty grumpy. my dear friend Christy picked me up and we drove to baltimore. 

up until 7am, I was not a happy camper. "what a waste of time. and sleep. this is ridiculous. why do we even do this? it's just going to be humiliating. there's no point." 

then we started walking to the end of the line. the sun started to come up over the skyline. the people-watcher in me was super pumped, walking by all the personalities expressing themselves in one way or another. a kid with a guitar started "warming up" with "I'm Yours" by jason mraz and a bunch of us joined in. the girl in front of me (Brianna) gave me a couple cough drops. thanks, Brianna. 

while standing in 5 different lines for 3-4 hours, I made a few new friends, belted a couple worship songs at the top of my lungs with those new friends, nailed my audition, didn't get a callback. 

 

Christy and I walked around the inner harbor of baltimore, happily indulged in cheesecake and short naps. we holed up in a coffee shop to wait out a torrential downpour (and praised God that we weren't still standing in line outside), grabbed burgers, and headed home. 

so in retrospect, when people ask me how it went, I have two thoughts.

am I pumped that I didn't get a callback? nopedy nope nope. even though the odds were something like 1 in 43, even going in with low expectations. because now when people say I should try out for the voice, I can't say "oh I never had the chance." the pessimist in me will respond, "oh yeah I did but I wasn't good enough." is that accurate? basically. but is it the perspective I should have? probably not. I already struggle with what God is going to do or not do with my love of singing and music, so this kind of feels like another nail in the coffin of my dreams (that I may not actually believe in anyways?). but me and God are gonna keep working through that.

BUT. am I glad I did it? absolutely. I love adventure. I love exploring. I love meeting new people. I love singing with other people. I LOVE shamelessly worshiping God with other people who love Him in front of people who probably don't know Him. I love conquering fears and checking things off my bucket list. I even got homework done. it was a fantastic saturday.