15/52 // surreal?

it's such a strange feeling. I chose (fell into?) a career that requires empathy and creativity, and I didn't even realize it starting out. 

this job has been the most bizarre thing for God to just slip into my life and continue to cultivate. 

I had no idea what I was getting into and probably would not have continued to pursue it if I had not started out in complete overconfidence.

stream in the adirondacks

I think I didn't actually believe I could get to where I am now. so that's encouraging.

photo cred: blythe elizabeth photography

this is a thank you, in a way, to everyone who supported me when I started out and had very little idea what I was doing - and to everyone who continues to support and encourage me now that I have a little better idea. I have spent countless hours comparing myself to others, so many nights frustrated with my own work (#artistprobs), but almost as many "eureka" moments and happy squeals behind the camera or during editing marathons.

salt flats of nevada

the places that I have been because of my opportunities feed my gypsy heart and obsession with beauty and exploring like none other. my wanderlust could not ask for a more fulfilling career. I know I don't deserve it and I don't know how long I get to do it, but I'm soaking in every moment while I can.

mobile office

when I say I could not have made it to where I am today without people around me, I'm not just saying it. the support of my family emotionally and practically is so beyond what I could have ever knew I needed. the countless people who have trusted me to preserve the preciousness of their lives in an art form still blows me away. the more experienced photographers who have given me tips that have been engraved in my brain. the other creatives that have walked alongside me. my best friend for always helping me choose a sneak peak. my brother for geeking out over equipment with me. the families and friends of clients that have taken me into their hearts and homes. the clients that have turned into lifelong friends.

backpack contents

this is my focusing face, apparently.

 I've made so many silly mistakes and I continue to, but I continue to learn from them. I continue to get better. I plan on improving for the rest of my career, whatever God has planned for it. I promise to do my absolute best whenever I am giving the opportunity to photograph.

to the glory of God alone, I'm in the middle of the rewards of consistency and perseverance (THOSE ARE HARD THINGS FOR ME). it's so motivating, exciting, terrifying, beautiful, beyond me. 

like, wait a minute. breath. take it all in. shake my head and open my eyes again. this is happening? so surreal.

14/52 // unexpected residue

momma told me I was quiet today.

it's been almost a full week of adventuring with my family and it feels like we packed a month's worth of big events in. being with them after the semester is glorious. having the chance to focus on photography and other things instead of homework feels like peppermint iced tea after a long, hot hike.

but momma was right. after a semester of basically living by myself, I realized my default for the past couple semesters is this quiet little world inside my head. I came out of it for classes, or work, or coffee dates and phone calls. but other than that, it was just me. 

after the insanity of giving my family a 24 hour tour of my campus and the city, moving out, photographing a wedding two states down, and then driving back up three states for family visit #1, I crashed and slept (finally). without realizing it, I retreated back into my quiet world. I'm not used to having someone there to process with 24/7, or three other people who need the shower.

praise Jesus for my patient family and for momma for pointing it out. I don't think quiet is bad; but this kind of quiet was the subdued survival mode of the semester, rather than peaceful and at rest. I'm tired of just staying alive instead of looking forward to getting up in the morning.

the thing that baffles me is reverting to that secluded state was completely involuntary and so subtle, I hadn't noticed myself. I'm coming out of it slowly, trying to take deeper breaths. communicate. take my foot off the pedal and the pressure off myself.

there are situations and memories that are re-surfacing - for all my attempts to process them during the semester, I could really only smooth the troubled waters and move on to the next assignment. 

so here is to filling my lungs. here's to looking forward with hope. to letting God heal the past, to learning how to love, to letting people in. to getting rest and getting outside. to living under the shadow of grace and in the strength of His love. to letting myself cry, to acknowledging disappointment, to reminding myself of His faithfulness. to letting others help me, stop being the lone ranger, and getting emotionally healthy so I can be there for the ones I love. to digging deep into His Word and surrendering and sharing my heart with Him. to making memories and taking photographs and writing songs. 

the photos are from middle creek wildlife center somewhere in PA.