breathing

slowing down. stopping, even. 

I know it's a buzz topic these days, but I think it's for a reason. 

and I think it's becoming a bit of a personal soap box for me, mainly because it is a lesson that is taking its sweet time sinking into my soul. so I'm working on repetition to myself, and trying to be listening for the reminders of the Holy Spirit.

I'm not just fighting against the culture of productivity, accomplishment, and haste that I live in. 

I'm fighting my innate desire to be good enough, to be wanted, to belong.

moments before this photo I was having my own small version of a panic attack. if I have anxiety, I have learned to busy myself with some activity to distract myself from becoming overwhelmed; this time, it felt like my body (and the Holy Spirit) was done letting me shove the feelings under another todo list. my heart was beating quickly, I felt like I couldn't get enough air, I was slightly dizzy, and I was getting the message: something is NOT okay, deep inside of me. 

it takes me two seconds to look at the waves of my circumstances, ambitions, and the fallenness that I live in to become overwhelmed. I remembered learning about breath prayer a few semesters ago. I could be doing it completely wrong, but then again, there's really no wrong way to pray. so I started taking deep breaths and speaking in my head these two words - in, "Jesus." out, "calm." a simple cry for the One who calmed the waves to calm my heart. 

there was no miraculous relief, but after about five minutes (yes, five minutes of intentional deep breathing with my eyes closed) I knew two things: there was no quick fix, but there is purpose. 

I am not speaking to the anxiety of others that I do not personally experience, simply what God is teaching me through mine that I hope will be an encouragement to you. 

I need to stop - not just slow down and do less, there needs to be space that I am not doing, I am simply being. that can look different from time to time - I love journaling, listening to music, praying, reading, even taking photos can be cathartic for me. 

today, it took me about 10-15 minutes of closing my eyes and listening to music and breathing for the tension in my shoulders to relax and my focus to come back. 

I challenge you to take a moment to stop today. Jesus not only gives you the freedom and the option to stop and be still, as in He says that it is okay, He says that it is good and necessary and He calls us to it. be still and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10). choose the only thing that is needed and will not be taken from you - time at Jesus' feet, listening to His Word. (Luke 10:42).

maybe start with listening to Lean Back by Capital City Music. it's 6:54 long, so sit down and close your eyes or plug it in while you drive and breathe.

comment if you've experienced this, if this challenged you, if you have any other suggestions for dealing with this concept, 

or comment prayer requests and I will cover you as I read them.

photos taken by Ben, edited by me.